Fri 28 Feb 2014 10:51:41 EST


Am set until March 3 of this year as far as writing goes. This means I am three days ahead. Think readers may see how some of these bits are coming together.

In some ways I do as well. The story over all is one with Jack. Seems he got hung up in a firefight and left hanging. *chuckles*

Other characters began having walk on bits, then, exposed themselves as developed and developing people. Jack, well he seems a cardboard cut out. He may even find himself in the leaning rest.

In the meanwhile, I have been making a habit of vaping as its called. Find myself smoking regular tobacco cigarettes less. The wife has suggested I begin decreasing the nicotine levels in the vaporizing liquid, gradually.

I grumbled a little about this idea. She has a point though, make it something I do as a pleasure and not a need. If it becomes a pleasure then, I can sever attachment.

Realizing now, in many ways that severing attachments can be a good idea in some respects. I do not pay much attention to the media presently, not as I used to once do. Choose instead to keep busy in a different world.

The world I am creating is one in my imagination. It is the world I change by changing myself. Nobody else can invade my world. I laugh if they try only to be greeted with futility.

In this world, I do not care about gender, sexual orientation, religion, nationality, color, social class. People in my world are simply that, people. People love who they will love.

And in this world there is a sense of life holding importance. It is sacred. Everyone has value.

Those silly fools trying to invade an Eden which exists in my mind. It is not their world and they have no control over it. Behold then, the power of imagination. A person can free themselves and live in a world that no one else controls.

Why then, bother with the media of this world? Because it is a shared reality we all create? I have doubts about that. I am sure we could find invisible sharks if that were the case. Quite a few people in my life have suggested invisible sharks are real. So, where are they? Ah, yes in the worlds created by the people whom imagine invisible sharks, of course. 🙂

You want control over a world? Try delving deep into yourself, find the candle upon the table in the darkened room. Ignite the candle. That flame is your dream, the candle your life. Burn your dream and create your own new world. Instead of cursing darkness, light a candle.

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Wed 26 Feb 2014 10:47:11 EST


Many years ago, I had some conversations with several various entities whom were military, spook types. These conversations provide some insight which at the time made little sense. As it turns out, well, anyone whom can read or watch television may well see where we are.

This outline is a guideline for a strategy. We have seen the affects of this strategy. We can combat it by saying, “no”. We can love. We can share. We can help one another. To these we can say yes. To the strategy we can say no.

___ A Strategy Outlined ____

1. First one needs control of media. Through media one can control perceptions via producing misinformation. Controlling perceptions allows one to control value.

2. Second, after gaining control of value, one may control
money. Controlling money allows you to take a reach for the next two items.

3. Third, you take control of industry through the control of money. Once you have industry you can control the product, any product. If you have a lock on supply, you can control demand, you have all the needed product. This lets you step up to the next level.

4. Fourth, you control the military via exercising control of demand, money, media. You are capable at this point to stir the media into tossing misinformation at your own people. This lets you tout plausible causes of “others” hating you and your people. “Oh they are jealous because well, we have ‘product’ and they don’t.” “Our might equates to divine right.”

~=######*######=~

Well if you having control of all “product” do not share freely, of course you do injustice to perceived others. Here is the problem. You sought all this control based upon a lie. There are no others. We are all one in the same.

Fear of difference creates this one lie. This one lie pervades everything. It creates a systematic stratagem for total domination by means most foul. We have to step aside, letting it pass. It will pass too.

Enough of us say no, the strategy will die. Of course, the fear mongers will try again, and again. We must remain vigilant, loving, compassionate.

~=######*######=~

An update on my wife’s grandfather here. It was learned yesterday that doctors tell him, he has three to six months without any definitive date set. He has cancer in his lungs, it metastasized into his bones.

Yesterday, wife spent time with her sister, dad. They all got with grandfather, arrangements were plotted. Think everyone is feeling both a sense of sadness and a sense of relief in the knowing. It’s a really somber air presently.

Asked my wife last night, “who is carrying him home”, that is what Appalachian tradition seems apt calling being a pallbearer. The folks carrying the casket to the grave, carry them home. My wife replied very matter of fact, “well you are of course”.

I may have looked befuddled. She then suggested I didn’t need to but it was what was assumed and agreed upon. I nodded and told her it was an honor. One I had not really expected. Sure, I love her grandfather, love her, love the family. I just had not figured her grandfather would consider me for such a traditional honor. She told me he said “that old Barney can take me home”.

Well, rather talked out for now.

Tao Of Grandfathers


Been a lot rattling in this mind today. We are hoping the wife’s grandfather has taken a turn for the better. The doctors say his pneumonia is clearing up.

They are containing him in intensive care still due to his heart rate being high. They are giving a drug to lower it, but it is only administered in intensive care, or emergency room settings as per protocol. This is understandable one supposes.

So, with that, my cat missing and a few other frustrations of living in general, I turned inward. I reflected upon life over all. In doing so I come to realize a benefit from having four grandfathers. Somewhat equate my wife’s grandfather as one of my grandfathers.

I had my grandfather from my dad, one from mom and one from my step-dad. This gives me four grandfathers. And the benefit given is something akin to a kind of Taoism. All four of these guys were, are cut from the old cloth. They were the builders, the defenders, farmers which defined what it meant to be these.

So, without further rambling …

_The Tao of Grandfathers_

0. Division

Forget any division, period and full stop. There is no division. We are all one and one is all. None are greater or less than the sum of all, nor greater nor less than any other. We are equals, even unto the amoeba.

1. Language

Language you use matters. Remember to “think, listen, think, listen and then, finally talk”. Also recall, no matter how much you attempt sanitizing and self censoring, you will ultimately offend someone. It will happen. Apologize, learn and grow from it.

2. Being

Everybody wants you being something. Some want you being nothing. Ignore everyone, listen to your innermost being and simply be yourself, be the best you’re able. You’re free to ignore even this guidance. All it is saying is, be the best possible you, you can be.

3. Now

Now is all anyone has, so use it. Don’t even think about what you did not do yesterday. And forget putting aside things for tomorrow. It’s today. It’s Right Now, always, Right
Now! Don’t look back. Don’t wait. Now is the only time you are promised.

4. Forgiveness

If you make a mistake, forgive yourself and forget the whole incident ever happened so long as you grow and learn from it. Offer this same forgiveness to others. This is called human dignity and love, compassion, respect.

5. Completion

Once a goal is achieved, a task finished, then, you walk away gracefully. Do not wait around for a reward, living is its own reward. Move on to the next goal or task. If rewards do catch up to you, accept them humbly and with gratitude, use them perhaps in attaining other goals, task finishing.

6. Greed

Run away from greed. Do not seek to possess many things. Things are used, people are loved. Be one to love more than to use. Greed like fear, leads one to nothing but evil. Yes, evil exists. Good does as well. If you remain without greed you create goodness. You need no more than you need. Wants are a penny a dozen and pass as quickly. One does not need wants. One needs love.

7. Fear

Fear can not exist. It is only one’s own imaginings of what may, or may not come to manifest. Fear leads one to believe in division. See number zero of these koans regarding division. In short, division as fear does not exist. Both of these are illusions of madness which greed invokes. So, an axis of evil is aptly, Fear, Division, Greed.

We fight evil by the same manner of fighting fires, remove one of the three needs of fire, fire is vanquished. Recall evermore, fear does not exist. Without fear, no division, without division, no greed … no evil.

Fri 21 Feb 2014 11:29:58 EST


Got ahead three more days on 300 Word Verges. This means I have enough there until Monday. I am happy with my writing progress, continuing.

Our cat, a black fur-ball named “Brother”, has gone missing. This has me a bit worried. We live in an area where coyotes roam.

Not sure why but Brother has not done his usual duty of helping feed everyone of a morning. Today is his second morning of not doing his duty. Aside from the coyotes, the creek is up in the bottom. It flooded out of its banks in the past few days.

I took a walk around the bottom this morning and saw that. Saw a deer running on the hill behind the house as well. Lots of tracks in the bottom. They followed the creek last night, grazed, drank.

Sometime today, need to get the pups a second course of worm medicine. Then, we can start “farming” some of them out.

Been having a feeling of something missing. Also last night admitted to the wife, I am having trouble in finding enjoyment. Life is just life, it keeps on going, same day as same day.

Still, I can say at least I’m not a bacteria capitulating with another bacteria in fecal matter. *chuckles*

Thu Feb 20 08:05:37 EST 2014


Well, I am keeping ahead in the writing department. Currently, I am sticking with my general two day buffer. this I find helps avoid falling behind due to any personal issues, it might save in case of technical ones as well.

“Ran around” with my wife a little bit yesterday. We visited one of our local dollar stores. I got a tube of shave gel, a baking soda deodorant (do not care much for the metal based deodorants), a bag of peppermint puffs, new pair of ear buds, a Jumex can of mango to drink.

Was long ago turned on to drinking Jumex, having worked with Asian and Hispanic folks in various jobs. A lot of these folks in the poultry plants drink it. A person only lives once, no need to let fear dominate life. Yes, am aware that a certain bit of fear dominates mine.

That fear is not what I am discussing here. The fear I discuss here is the kind what begets prejudice, hate. That kind of fear, I do not grant an inch to.

The fear which can debilitate me, is a fear of losing control. I used to have a really aggressive and potent anger. And yes, I can still become highly angry. This anger in me, if I “let go” makes messes, causes pain, trouble. So, I fear it, or rather fear not having control of it.

This was something discussed in therapy yesterday, too. I talked of some idiot whom came through a grocery check out line. I had been working there, bagging groceries, stocking. This guy loudly to buddies starts spouting off about killing a bunch of Iraqi people, having been on tour there, boasting about being rewarded with a new fifty thousand dollar pick up, and hundred thousand dollar a year career after serving.

He went to detail, stated a number of people he killed. I was fortunate the lady working the register was nice, saw my expression. She sent me to the back saying she was good to go.

Granted, I did not serve much. Some of my service is not “officially” listed. Still, I know a rough estimate of folks that I am aware will no longer suffer. Big deal. This is not something a person talks about openly. At least in my mind they don’t. Killing is far too easy to do, harder to not do. Harder to live knowing one has done it. Harder yet to realize some of the reasoning of “duty” is/was bull dung.

Yet here is this idiot running his yap. I nearly slugged him and told him to shut his bung hole. How disrespectful, dishonorable can people really be and not be considered stupid enough to warrant a bullet? And that anger in me is far too cold, colder than ice.

But then, I am a “nut job”. Well, need to go get ready to feed the critters. The pups have started acting as a unit and trying to trap me in the pen with them. I think they figure sailors are tasty. Hate to break it to them, we’re all nasty and grisly. *chuckles*

Mon Feb 17 19:37:39 EST 2014


I recently watched The Magic of Belle Isle, again. In it the character played by Morgan Freeman tells a little girl, writing about a character let him do something on the page he could not do in life.

That is how it seems to be with me. I may write of having human children. The reality is though, unless me and my wife adopted, I can not father human children.

At times this can weigh on me, bring sadness. Other times, I am so glad to not have children to be worried about. Me and my wife joke that it is not child abuse for us to turn our children outdoors, with them being dogs and cats.

Got a few days ahead on the writing exercises. I have enough until the 19th of this month. Been listening to Chism’s on our Roku‘s Shoutcast application. It helps fend off a lot of noise and unneeded drama.

Her grandfather is in I.C.U at our local hospital, on the list to go to Charleston’s hospital. It seems with pneumonia, fractured disc, ribs, he had to go and have a mild heart attack on top of them. Her dad went out to the hospital a few hours ago.

Not being mean, but it may be better granddad is in hospital. Her dad has looked rough himself these past few weeks. He has been at his dad’s house, doing everything for him. yes, I know family does for family. Also know burn out is burn out. Her dad looked really frazzled out those few hours ago.

Her sister has not been much comfort to be around here. It seems every time my wife and I engage in conversation, her sister has to come interject herself. I usually just clam up in full, try to make it clear through subtlety that she interrupted us, our private time.

My wife stops too. She then makes it clear that she is taking a pause, to address her sister. And her sister not only interrupts us, but she also waits until my wife goes to lie down for a nap or to bed and waltzes into our bedroom bombarding her with questions about needless crap.

I sigh long and hard, recall her sister is a blond. I think she also has a notion she is the center of the universe. I have no problem with someone being confident, that is a great thing and way to be. But when a person becomes arrogant or childish in their engagements with others, it bothers me a good bit. Saying that is difficult, because there is no way I can see to say it without hurting someone else’s feelings. And I rather not do that, simply because I can empathize with having hurt feelings.

Well, been trying using a vaporizer for nicotine delivery. So far, it seems to be doing well. I still smoke regular cigarettes, but not as much. Need to get off of regular cigarettes as they have too many other toxic chemicals in them. Guess that “talks me out” for today.

Fri 07 Feb 2014 07:28:17 EST


Woke this morning, headphones on and AC/DC playing, got another two days of writing exercises finished. This means I am roughly four days ahead. After this morning’s writing post that will drop to three days ahead.

I like having a few days in the “buffer”. This lets me attend to other aspects of living without stress over the writing. I can then, also take a little more time in doing the editing, if any at all.

Sitting here in the early morning I find a sense of peace. The nephews are finally back to school, regular, hopefully. They will likely have a week of snow days.

I loved doing the work I did yesterday. It felt good to help out my father in law. For me it is a simple matter of not feeling like a free loading ass. I live here, stands to reason I do a little something to help out. And this is family, no need to be paid by family.

Father in law had gone out once yesterday, a run to the nearest gas station. It is halfway between us and the town. We call it “Hilly World”. He needed to gas up a little and get a few things. Before he left he came to our bedroom, stuck his head in to ask if we needed anything.

I jokingly said he could get me a pack of smokes. Told him I was joking. I had made up three packs of roll your own, was good to go. Well, later on in the day he and my wife had to go out again. She returned and found me in the bedroom taking a break.

She hands me a small brown paper bag. In the bag was two packs of smokes. I told her, “he didn’t need to do that.” She replied that he felt he ought to after I had put in at least a good four to six hours of work, for home. She also had got the worming medicine. So, today we’ll get the pups medicated for the first course.

Am hopeful that soon I can get through the hassle of court for disability. Hopefully, I can get onto that. It hurts not feeling like I contribute enough at home. Yes, I know that I do some good in the helping out. I know it is appreciated. Also know at times a steady income to offer paying rent, or helping defer other costs, would be appreciated too.

My therapist seems to agree with my self diagnose. The disability I suffer is no tolerance for stupidity, even my own at times. And yes, I know a difference between stupid and ignorant. Ignorance can be cured by giving someone awareness, learning. Stupid has no cure, easy or difficult. The only one I can see is akin to the scene from Last Man Standing. “I killed your best man, Finn.”, Bruce Willis’ character says. “Only cure for stupidity”, the Doyle character says.

That does not fly in reality though. I know that too. Sorry, I’ll keep away from a noose, lethal injection, toaster chair as long as I can. Kind of afraid a toaster chair would fail to work with me. *chuckles* I would probably laugh in the grip of the pain, tell them to crank it up higher.

We had a grandfather when we were younger whom would grab onto an electric fence wire and walk the line out. He would be doubled over and hunched down when he started out. At the end of the line, his arthritis would let up and he stood tall. He kept the line running about twice the needed requirement for holding off the cattle.

Sometimes, I think maybe such a thing could help my arthritis as well. Other times, I am not sure. Hate feeling so unsure, so confused by the fools who list me as a bit mentally fouled, yet can not determine how I am fouled. They write it up as NOS, Not Otherwise Stated. This is their broad spectrum way to say “yeah, he’s a nut but we can’t classify what type of nut.”

My wife laughs and tells me I’m her type of nut. Guess it is good to fit somewhere. *grins* Well, been rambling too much, need coffee.