Thursday, July 30 – Journal

Not too much happening. I’m waiting on a call to go to work for Friendship Industries. They’re a company that does packaging for other companies. They also do some mail sorting work. In general terms it’s a light industry production factory.

The atmosphere is quiet, laid back. Friendship was suggested to me by the rehabilitative councilor that took my case. She has done an excellent job in trying to help me find work that suits. I like the notion that Friendship employs disable people. Working there provides benefits to them in the markets. You actually feel you’re making a difference.

And yes, I have to count as disabled. The problems I face are emotional and some mental adversities. Specifically, I often get bored and burned out in production jobs, easily. That leads to frustration, feeling inadequate and generally useless. A few of the professionals I’ve met with have also suggested I may suffer a bit of post traumatic stress syndrome. It wouldn’t surprise me if that were found as a part of the case. If brutally honest, yes I probably do square off against it as well.

Those things are big stress triggers for anger, depression. I am working hard to learn relaxation techniques, ways to be assertive. There is great difference in being assertive over being aggressive. But obviously, due to some factors that constituted my rearing, I missed out on learning that. Also missed out on ever having a ‘dad that was there.’

Of course, many people have lived through worse. I’m not here to bequest pity. The writing it out seems to help me. Well, I better close for the day. I might log some more in my private journal, it may be posted or not. Run it slow.